


breathe

by issylra



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 11:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14893359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/issylra/pseuds/issylra
Summary: It's days before Alec wakes up again.





	breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Just a post-finale drabble I've had sitting in my drafts for weeks now. Be kind!

It's days before Alec wakes up again.

Jace barely sleeps, afraid to dream, afraid he'll somehow find the bed beside him empty if he does. He watches Alec's chest rise and fall instead, lays a hand over where his heartbeat feels the strongest, thumping steadily under his fingers.

The words "I'm sorry" start to lose their meaning the more he says them, mumbled into the crook of Alec's neck as he lays pressed against his side. He knows what it'll look like, if anyone comes to check on them, but it's hard to care.

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."_

His breath hitches, comes out in uncontrollable gasps. Alec's heart still beats an easy rhythm beneath his fingertips, the only thing keeping him sane.

It doesn't feel real, when Alec's eyes flutter open, when Jace feels the strong bobbing of his Adam's apple as he swallows.

"Jace?"

His voice is rough from disuse but it makes something in Jace's chest clench at the sound of it, emotions he can't put a name to.

"It's me. I'm me. I'm here." He cups Alec's face in his hands, wants him to see. There's no one else there but him, not anymore. Alec smiles, or tries to. It's the ghost of a thing, a grimace coloring the tail end of it, turning it to a wince.

"I remember." He swallows again, the hand not wrapped in a splint reaches up to cover Jace's own, holding him there. "I'm sorry I let you down. You were— and I—" He can't seem to get the words out and Jace's eyebrows furrow.

"I almost killed you and you're the one apologizing?"

The memory locks on in the forefront of his mind. _'_ _Y_ _our boy is crying, you know. Begging me not to do this.'_ He can feel the give of the arrow under his hands, the tear as it breaks skin. He's screaming at himself, hysterical, and Alec's pain reverberates in his own head like a physical thing. It's over now but Jace still feels like he might be sick, afraid that if he closes his eyes for too long none of this will be real. He'll wake up with Alec's blood on his hands, searching for a piece of himself that isn't there.

“Jace.” His eyes snap up at the sound of his name, the affection he hears in it. Alec is still looking at him like he's a wonder, like he's the best thing he's ever seen. Jace's eyes burn. “It wasn't you. Nobody blames you.”

The irony isn't lost on either of them, the memory of a stolen moment on a roof top what feels like a lifetime ago. Jace tries to smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He buries his face in the hollow of Alec's throat instead. The words, “maybe they should”, mumbled into the skin there.

Alec huffs, a warm puff of air against Jace's cheek, hand finding the back of his neck and squeezing. “I promised I wouldn't let her take you again. I would've died—”

“I know. I know you would've.” He refuses to let Alec finish, eyes drawn to the beginnings of the angry scar below his collarbone, peaking out from under the sheets. He lifts his head, reaches out with a tentative touch.

“It's not the first mark you've left on me,” Alec says.

It's meant to be funny, Jace thinks, but there's no humor in the way Alec's breath goes shaky as he inhales. Jace doesn't know where the urge comes from, but he leans forward, presses his lips to the still tender skin. Alec is warm, _alive_ under his hands, and Jace feels the fear grip him tight and choke.

“Please be real,” he mutters the words under his breath, voice cracking. He doesn't mean for Alec to hear them, confused when he feels a hand under his chin, forcing him to look up.

“I'm real, Jace. Everything that happened... it's over. I promise you, it's over.”

It isn't over, and they both know it. The tracking hit on Clary, Magnus' magic, Jonathan's rebirth... This is nothing more than the eye of the storm. Still, Jace feels the tension drain from his body anyway, feels himself relax as Alec's fingers card gently through his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is super welcome but if it's unrelated to the story, I won't be posting it since fanfic reviews aren't really a good medium for discourse.


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